What its Like to be Reflective From a person who has a Boisterous Inner World..

Sometimes I visualize myself as a mirror, with different kinds of people, different personas are created in which I imitate behaviors or mannerisms. Sometimes I am not aware I'm doing it, sometimes I'm talking to a person and it's like a mirror pops up in front of my face. Very rarely do I realize this, when I do it saddens me, one of the things I value the most is authenticity. When I'm surrounded by people who do at times even remotely seem inauthentic, it brings me great grief, annoyance and I find myself becoming more distant. To find in-authenticity in myself is like having a small painful splinter in your foot while you are wearing socks and shoes. The entire "Mirror Mechanism" might be a result of trying to connect with others and relate to them. 

When you are a reflective person, it's like you are traveling deep within yourself, it can be a beautiful thing but it can also be confusing and painful. For me, if I can visualize it, it's like hiking downwards into a deep cave where it's very dark and becoming incredibly aware of your place in society and the universe, your roles and different facades you put up with...among other things. I can get so lost inside myself that I become unreasonable and I cloud my own mind.

Being reflective might make you more intuitive. For example, when I talk to someone I tend to do this annoying thing where I analyze their facial features, their movements, where there eyes are going, their tone of voice, and other things and this results in me not having paid attention to what the person said....which can be inconsiderate. On the flip side of the coin, i'm understanding their nature, what kind of person they are and how they interact with others, it's getting a feel for the type of person they likely are. Observing people a lot through out the years for a reason unknown to me has made me more understanding in terms of accepting people and figuring out how they feel or what they want.It might be strange to say I could feel when someone is being inauthentic to themselves and this isn't surprising, many people can because they themselves have displayed many forms of in-authenticity to themselves and others.

Something that I have learned or realized about myself quite recently is something I like to call "The Repeat Button", or "The Broken Repeat Button." This is when  you repeat an event, a situation or a conversation several times in your head and re-invent what could have been or simply replaying an uncomfortable situation and cringing. Someone once asked me, "What makes you feel the need to do replay these events in your head?" This question made me think a lot, different possibilities include a dose of perfectionism embedded in my being, a need to control situations or fix them or many other things that I thought of that didn't really make sense. I even pondered about my upbringing. I often found that how you were raised as a child is crucial to your future development as an adult. I could repeat a past event over one hundred times in my head. I can try and not 'replay' but battling with your mind in my opinion can be more challenging than a physical fight because I personally, don't have a person teaching me skills or techniques to handle these situations.

Many people would say...."Just don't think about it." Yeah, it doesn't really work that way when you are consistently gathering data and processing information. It's not like I can wipe out my memory, reset my data and start from scratch, ALTHOUGH, when trying to change something the first thing to do is start. 

 It's a good idea to know where you came from to know where you are going. Today I have become a sensitive over-thinker prone to depression and sometimes even apathy. In these situations I find it empowering to have social support and thinking positive things about myself and my surroundings. Even without knowing all that negativity suppressed or simply gathered into piles can result in...not so great result. It's important to have a balance between seeing the good and the 'bad' of things. You can self critique yourself to improve yourself as a person but you mustn't beat yourself up so much to the point where you socially isolate yourself and cage yourself up because you think you aren't good enough or any other reason. I know, because many times I have done that without really understanding why.

Now I am thinking the title should have been "What its like to be Overly Pensive or Reflective" Haha 

Going back to the Mirror Mechanism thingy....It's important to remain true to yourself, be the type of person who can be themselves when talking to any person whether they like it or not, I connected with amazing people and most of it happened when I approached them with my authentic self, be it silly, eccentric, weird or child like.  To approach a person with open arms (literally or figuratively) means opening a world to amazing opportunities.  Mirroring other people might not be such a huge problem, or maybe no problem at all, maybe its a good thing, I have yet to know but I find myself doing this mirroring at times...........perhaps it is a result of human nature, to mimic others, if you look more into child development and psychology you learn that in the beginning stages even babies and baby monkeys mimic others, MAYBE ITS A SURVIVAL TECHNIQUE OMG 

Nonetheless Reflectiveness is a quality that must be taken care of in quantities....

Many grammar mistakes :P I have no time to correct such things! I am thinking here! Ha-

Couldn't think of a title

Its been a while since I've written anything on here or looked back at this blog. I think you should keep writing Aida, keep writing stories on here and if you like we can write them together or make up prompts like we used to. I only have one month left until I go back to school :)

Really looking forward to a philosophy class I will be taking.

Back in High School we used to talk about that stuff all the time... in class, in the bus, walking, sitting.  Such dreamers we are. I can't believe all that was last year... LIKE REALLY? I felt like so much time has passed since then! It has felt like two years but we graduated last year...that's insane.

My laptop that I used to use was malfunctioning and running really slowly so I didn't spent a lot of time online for writing. I recently bought one actually :P
Its been nice messaging you on Facebook. I deleted the messenger app to make room for this game I used to play, it saved my data and I'm in level 77 so I've been spending quite some time as a mage. Soo I can't reply as quickly anymore, although I'll log in every now and then and check messages haha always the procrastinator

Well have a great summer and winter and fall and spring !